Stop Doing That… Game Of Thrones Edition!

It’s not easy being drunk all the time. If it were easy, everyone would do it” – Tyrion Lannister

Oh yes, that’s right the ever ranting Stop Doing That series returns, this time with a Game Of Thrones special edition!

We are now nearing the end of Series 5 of the hit show, so if you haven’t heard of it yet it’s time to crawl out from under the gigantic rock you’ve been living beneath and step blinking into the sun (yes, it’s the ciiiiiiiiircle of life).  Before we start, I’d like to make everybody aware of something:

THIS BLOG POST MAY INCLUDE SPOILERS FOR THE BOOKS AND TV SHOWS and also a bit of bad language but honestly, if you’ve read or watched the series you’ll be completely desensitized to it and if you haven’t then this probably isn’t the best place to start or you clicked on this by mistake…

Now that’s out of the way, lets take a trip to Westeros and find out what we need to stop doing!

STOP: Giving Sansa Stark so much screentime

Her book plot happens to be one of the most tedious things I’ve ever read (and I’ve read two out of three 50 Shades books: Part 1 and Part 2) and to be honest the changes they’ve made to the storyline for the TV show are just not quite enough to make it as interesting as the rest of the show. Fair play to Sophie Turner for doing her best with what is quite frankly a weak and underdeveloped character that most of the time feels like padding to make sure there are some female leads in the story but if we need that, can’t we just have some more Brienne? Or even even bring back Osha the Wilding or Yara Greyjoy (remember them?).

STOP: Rushing through important plotlines but stalling the boring ones

Keeping on the theme of dull stories being told, why are we giving so much time to the unnecessary story lines this season? Petyr Baelish continues to be one of the most despised and creepy characters I’ve ever had the misfortune to watch and yet we’ve seen some of his story in almost every episode. It’s just not needed, let’s skip ahead to the good bits. Similarly, how quickly do they want to move along the Tyrion and Jorah storyline?!. Last week they were captured by slavers and this week we’re suddenly in the fighting pits of Mereen. I feel like we’ve missed a bit. Don’t even get me started on the Dornish plot line either…

STOP: Making Jaime Lannister an afterthought

Not much has happened to Jaime since he lost his hand. He should be the Head of the Kingsguard if his book counterpart is anything to go by and we should be seeing him in Kings Landing, dealing with the ramifications of his clumsy new hand before going off to Riverrun to deal with the last remnants of the Tully resistance. Unfortunately we seem to have forgotten there’s not long been a war and the Tullys are all but a puff of cloud on a clear blue sky so they’ve shoehorned Jaime and even Bronn into the Dornish plot line; seemingly just to give them something to do. I’m not complaining about the chance to get more Bronn (he should be in every storyline possible) but let’s take a pause and give Jaime Lannister the respect he deserves because at the heart of it, he is quite an interesting character to follow.

STOP: Letting characters disappear vaguely for large spells of time

Remember Osha? Yara? Gendry?

You keep dreaming, Gendry... You keep dreaming, Gendry…

Probably, but the memories of them will be hazy. All three of these characters were introduced to us, made out to be important and then suddenly they’ve been relegated to the lower leagues of GoT characters. Probably to make more room for Sansa plotlines (I can’t bash Bran this year since we mercifully get a break from his storyline). Even Varys appears to have disappeared without a trace since that fateful brothel trip in Volantis, though I’m sure a fan favourite like him will be back before long (the series has suffered without his dry wit and sarcasm). At least the actor who plays Gendry has a good sense of humour about his continued absence.

STOP: Forgetting about the direwolves

Seriously, you spend your CGI budget for the season on dragons and stone men and yes that’s fairly interesting but let’s not forget we still have Ghost the direwolf and so far we’ve only seen him in a single tiny scene! Step it up.

STOP: Cramming House words into it the episodes for the sake of it

After an entire episode titled after the words of House Martell we have yet again been told that Winter is coming. I know most of the Starks are dead an Winter is indeed on its way to Westeros but can we at least give some love to the other ouse words. Have we had House Lannister’s said recently? House Baratheon?  Didn’t think so…

STOP: Toning down the swearing

Is it just me or have we had far less swearing since the last few seasons? GoT used to be pure filth streaming from the mouths of characters that would turn the air blue. This season, we’ve had a bit of swearing but sadly it seems like the loss of The Hound has meant the loss of a large portion of the swearing. Who could forget his greatest scene ever, complete with all the swearing!

So there we have it. A few things we need to stop doing in the world of Game of Thrones.

And just remember, you either win or you die…

Channelling Mad Eye Moody to Manage Maniacal Mayhem.

Janitor: [into the stethoscope] Is there anybody up there…up there…up there…up there….? I’m all alone down here…here…here…! It’s cold. I’m frightened!

scrubs1

Whew, that’s a lot of dust to blow off of this site. I guess I haven’t been posting in a while but as the quote above shows, I’m fully aware of my inability to blog. So a fair bit has happened since the days of regular ranting and crafty cookery posts. I’m back, for now at least and I come armed with a positively overflowing bag of blog topics to post about. So without further ado, let’s begin shall we?

Being a teacher is not all it’s cracked up to be.

There, I said it.

Yes in my absence I have undertaken a PGCE Teacher Training course and am about to enter the final half term of my first year as a fully qualified teacher. Time flies when you’re marking manically every night like a green ink obsessed baboon trying to get the best bit of mango thrown into your cage having fun.

I’ve learnt a lot this past year and have found myself growing as a person. If I may steal a quote from the inimitable John Dorian of Scrubs fame: “I’ve changed too. I have a beard now.” Yes in order to make myself look less like the fresh faced 22 year old that I actually am I have grown a beard and the fabulous fuzz of fur on my face makes me look like a grizzled veteran of this teaching malarkey rather than the fresh off the boat beginner that I really am. It’s all a bit of smoke and mirrors to fool the pupils into believing you’re old and in charge.

Sadly the beard comes with a price and this is how I learnt the first hard lesson of the year:

Children can be cruel when it comes to your age

Now I wouldn’t exactly say that I am particularly sensitive about my age or looks, (who are we kidding, I’m one of the most vain people I know) but it only takes a few weeks of all your pupils trying to guess your age and almost all of them coming up with numbers that are 32 or higher (The most popular being 37 years of age) before it starts to grate a bit (this fact has not been helped by the Microsoft How Old app going around – it did the same thing to me. Why do you hurt me Microsoft? I’ve been loyal to you for many years…).

Yes to sum it up children can be cruel, but that’s not the only way that I learned this lesson. And as a result of my next tale, the title will become much clearer…

Year 11 Students are the same as weeping angels from Doctor Who

Accurate depiction of most Year 11s

Accurate depiction of most Year 11s

For the past year I have been teaching a pretty challenging year 11 class. They can be the loveliest bunch in the world or they can drive you up the wall. It depends entirely on a range of factors such as what they had for breakfast, the current state of the weather and whether or not mercury is in retrograde (maybe not that last one, but honestly sometimes there’s no reason for what they do). Suffice to say, it’s at the hands of this class that learnt my hardest lesson so far as a teacher.

That’s right, don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead. I you take your eyes off your pupils for even a second mayhem will ensue. I guarantee it.

Sadly,this does not work with Year 11. I wish it did.

Sadly,this does not work with Year 11. I wish it did.

It just so happened that I made this fatal flaw back before Christmas when I turned my back for no longer than 30 second to put a laptop away when I heard an almighty cacophony akin to the Gods of Olympus having a wrestling match in a pit of cowbells erupt behind me.

I turned around to find one of my pupils masking taped to a chair.

Now when I say masking taped to a chair I don’t mean a little bit of tape around the middle. Oh no, I mean full on cocooned into the chair with masking tape. There was no way he was getting out of this and apparently nobody had seen anything happen (another lesson to learn is that kids will always stick together as if that will somehow let them escape punishment).

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that point. I settled for my usual and became instantly incensed with anger before laughing into a tirade of clichéd teacher speeches that I swore I would never do and after about 5 minutes of sounding like the world’s most ineffectual supply teacher the children were dismissed and Chair Boy was set free from his tapey prison.

The funny thing is that my classroom doesn’t have masking tape. The little scoundrels had been planning this for a while.

As a result of that day I have now learnt to channel Alastor “Mad Eye” Moody from the Harry Potter novels and have adopted his own philosophy to suit my classroom.

Mad Eye

My advice to you if you ever set foot in a classroom? CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Always keep your eyes on them. Don’t let them out of your sight.

They [teenagers] are fast, faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back and DON’T BLINK!

Oh and always hide the masking tape.