Stop Saying That

Like, OMG WTF is with that title?

I thought I would switch it up a bit today and instead of telling people what they shouldn’t do, I’ll be trying to change your speech patterns by pointing out just how absurd some of the stuff people nowadays say actually is. This has come about as a result of endless overheard conversations on buses, in lectures, in the shop, everywhere in fact, where there are large groups of people doing what large groups of people tend to do best: being annoying.

Do you ever hear someone say something and just want to reach forward and smack them round the head? Do you ever get the urge to correct someone when they say something that you’re pretty sure isn’t a word? If so, you’re just like me (there is counselling available for those poor souls among you that are stuck in the same situation as myself). So here we go, the next in my self improvement series for you and if you say any of these so called “words” then I think you need to go away and have a good hard look at yourself…

Like
Like, I can’t, like, even begin to, like, wonder why some people are like, always saying this. Like, isn’t it enough to just, like, stop and take a seconds pause or, like, know what you’re going to, like, say before you’ve, like, started it?

That was infuriating to type. Do you see how annoying it is? I have nothing agains the word “like” when it is used properly but when it’s used instead of taking a breath in conversation it makes me want to go all Predator on you and pull out your spine before mounting your head on my wall as a trophy. have a little cry about the state of speech in this world.

Literally
I will literally punch you in the face if you keep misusing this word. You did not “literally die when he asked you out” if you had, I wouldn’t be writing this post…

Swag
When did stolen goods become a term of endearment? You say swag and all I see is a guy in a mask and a striped jumper carrying a sack. If you have to talk about how much swag you have, it’s clearly not an awful lot.

YOLO
James Bond begs to differ.

20121202-221859.jpg

LOL
Controversial because I’m ashamed to say I use it myself. The real issue is it seems like it’s expected of you now, every time somebody says something mildly funny. I think we should all take a leaf out of Tim Minchin’s book and use “Mildly Amused Smirk” or MAS as a better indication of what we’re doing.
Also, when did it become ok to use text speak in everyday ACTUAL conversation? Say LOL to me in person and you and I will be having a serious talk about your inability to differentiate the real world from a computer screen.

Dench
I don’t even know what this means. When “Peng” was around I didn’t know what that meant but I tried to learn. Now I’m just past caring. Just know that every time I hear you say Dench, no matter what the context, I will be thinking of this lady:

20121202-222401.jpg

Well that seemed to take a very Bond twist! That’s all you’re getting from me today but doubtless there’ll be a part two when the next round up of awful slang is delivered kicking and screaming into the general public.

Anyone got any other words they hate people using and abusing? Share them in the comments!

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