You may have noticed (some of you rather happily I will bet) that I haven’t written one of my little “self help” posts in a while. This is because I have, shock horror, not been overwhelmed With the burning rage and righteous anger that I feel about a topic to be able to tell people to stop doing it for a good long while. Well that brief time of bliss has rocketed off along the motorway of life and left me stranded in the lay-by of hatred. You may have guessed by the overuse of car related metaphors (or the title of this post, which is more likely) that today we will be looking at what you can not do whilst driving to prevent yourself from becoming number one on my Most Hated list.
Was it really SO important for you to get past me that you had to resort to being the biggest tool on the planet and swerve across a few lanes on this motorway to go past me in the left hand lane? Really? I’m going at the limit in the centre lane, the guy in the right hand lane is going a shade faster, so we’re all travelling at a legal limit and then in you zoom, Captain Douchebag, and swerve round all of us to continue on to whichever shopping centre you’re going to go buy a new polyester track suit from today. Prick.
STOP: Driving in the bike lane
The clue to this one is in the name. BIKE LANE. Not “Cruise along with half your car in here so cyclists fear for their life Lane”. You have a whole road and the cyclist only have this tiny piece on the left of it all. Stop harassing them and play nice.
STOP: Whistling from windows
I’ll level with you it is usually the stereotypic “Lads” that are the culprits here but nonetheless it makes my list. Guys, come on. That girl you’re whistling at and catcalling is pretty much NEVER going to sleep with you. Least of all if you have to shout out of a car to get her attention! Any girl that would hear someone wolf whistle from a car and think to herself “that man is going to be my one true love! I must sleep with him!” really needs to sort her priorities out…
STOP: Being slow
I’m not a preacher of speed, reckless or otherwise, but there is absolutely no reason to be going at 20 in a 40 zone.
STOP: Using phones
If you use your phone whilst driving, to me you are exactly the same level of
despicable bastard irritating as you would be if you had drop kicked a baby into a yard filled with pitbulls and bear traps. You are the devil incarnate. If it is THAT important then pull over and use your phone. If not, wait until you get to where you are going and THEN use your phone. Don’t even get me started on texting. Just don’t do it whilst driving. I can barely walk and text at the same time without walking in to a pole or person, I can only imagine driving would make this twice as hard!
It’s not hard to not use a phone in the car. Alright?