There are things in this life that I don’t understand. As much as i like to be portrayed as an all knowing oracle of knowledge, I will hold my hands up right now and admit to not knowing about quite a lot of things (and I really do like to be thought of as an all knowing oracle). One of these things is quantum physics. Another is fashion. The only difference between the two is that, if I wanted to, I’m sure I could learn about and understand quantum physics. You just can’t do that with fashion.
It’s not like fashion is impossible to learn about, I’m sure many people do learn about it and understand it. It’s just that the idea of what’s fashionable and trendy is absolutely baffling to me. I get the mechanics of it all, sure, but the trends that spring into prevalence are so horrifyingly confusing as to how this ever became a thing that I just don’t know how I would ever be able to get my head around them. So, in the spirit of sticking with things I do best, here are my most hated “Fashion Trends” currently. Honestly, i can’t believe people actually wear these things. What happened to the human race?
Half Shaved Heads
This isn’t just for women, on no account should anyone have half of their hair shaved off whilst the other side grows long. This is exactly the kind of thinking that led to the Mullet gaining popularity back in the day. I can’t see there being any need for this kind of hair abuse, what on EARTH did it ever do to you? My hair is one of the most unruly and annoying things known to man and yet still I won’t shave half of it off in a Sweeney Todd-esque quest for hair vengeance. This is hopefully one of those trends that will just pass by if enough people start ignoring it. The best news? We’ll all be laughing when the next trend rolls around and you can’t grow your half shaved mess out fast again so you’re stuck with a ‘do that is “ugh, SO last year!!”
Get out you despicable excuse for a human being, and leave those poor, brutalised chinos on the side before you go. They don’t need a cuff, they aren’t a track suit. Wearing a pair of chinos is meant to be a smart-casual mix that allows you to look a little more respectable than the nylon masses. Stop dicking about with cuffs and grow up.
Sunglasses In Darkness
This would be an awesome name for a rock band. Unfortunately too many idiots are wearing sunglasses at night or inside. Two places where, funnily enough, you don’t tend to need sunglasses. Sort this out before I’m forced to take action…
There is no reason that you should have ANY form of hat on indoors you uncultured heathen. Hats are outerwear, so when you get inside just take it off like a respectable gentleman.
Also, take the sticker off of your baseball caps. You look ridiculous.