Student Survival: Freshers Flu

In the roughly two weeks that I haven’t written anything for you lovely people I have moved myself back down to university and we have now reached the end of what is known as “Freshers Week” which is effectively a week long bar crawl for the new first year students. The downside of this is that you are in close (sometimes very close, if you’re particularly friendly) contact with a lot of new people, eating rubbish food, drinking five times your own body weight in alcohol a reasonable amount of alcohol and staying out til god knows what time in the chilly mornings without a coat, because no-one takes a coat to the club. The punishment for your week of sordid debauched revelry is that you will be struck down by the most evil and sadistic malady that you can think of.


For those of you that don’t know, Freshers Flu is like being stuffed into an airtight sack whilst someone beats you with sticks and another throws rocks at your head basically just flu that is brought on by the poor lifestyle and large amounts of new people that you’ll interact with in your first few weeks of Uni. The problem is that this is no normal flu. This is the Chuck Norris and Mr T love child of flu in that it will hit you so hard and leave you feeling like you’ve just been taken 20 rounds with Clubber Lang (Rocky 3, anybody? No?). Whilst suffering from this despicable disease you are still expected to socialise, cook, clean (alright, lets be honest this ones optional) and *shudder* go to lectures! The horror! To get through this testing time and due to the fact that one of my housemates has infected me this weekend, I thought I would lay out a few ground rules to help you deal with the fact that your head is now THE place to be for thrumming dance baselines and drumbeats.

Drinking lots of fluids is vital to keep you functioning well and your mouth not tasting like a toxic wasteland. Just a side note, alcohol is not the fluid to hydrate with, try to stick to orange juice, water and other “healthy” alternatives.

Maybe lay off the clubbing for a night or two and get to bed early. If you’re not sleeping and resting enough then you’ll be completely run down and you’ll end up trapped in the claws of this vicious illness. The clubs will be there all year and people won’t avoid you as much if you’re not sneezing all over them.

Eat Real Food
Swap your takeaway for some home cooked grub. Spaghetti Bolognese is pretty easy to make and you can get some vegetables in it to give your poor student immune system a bit of a boost. You can find a great recipe for an omelette right here and for many other easy recipes, check out the guys over at SORTED

If all else fails nuke the crap out of it with cold and flu tablets, lemsip and everything else that will help. Chemical warfare is COMPLETELY justified in this instance.


What the F?!?! (The F stands for Fashion…)

There are things in this life that I don’t understand. As much as i like to be portrayed as an all knowing oracle of knowledge, I will hold my hands up right now and admit to not knowing about quite a lot of things (and I really do like to be thought of as an all knowing oracle). One of these things is quantum physics. Another is fashion. The only difference between the two is that, if I wanted to, I’m sure I could learn about and understand quantum physics. You just can’t do that with fashion.

It’s not like fashion is impossible to learn about, I’m sure many people do learn about it and understand it. It’s just that the idea of what’s fashionable and trendy is absolutely baffling to me. I get the mechanics of it all, sure, but the trends that spring into prevalence are so horrifyingly confusing as to how this ever became a thing that I just don’t know how I would ever be able to get my head around them. So, in the spirit of sticking with things I do best, here are my most hated “Fashion Trends” currently. Honestly, i can’t believe people actually wear these things. What happened to the human race?

Half Shaved Heads


This isn’t just for women, on no account should anyone have half of their hair shaved off whilst the other side grows long. This is exactly the kind of thinking that led to the Mullet gaining popularity back in the day. I can’t see there being any need for this kind of hair abuse, what on EARTH did it ever do to you? My hair is one of the most unruly and annoying things known to man and yet still I won’t shave half of it off in a Sweeney Todd-esque quest for hair vengeance. This is hopefully one of those trends that will just pass by if enough people start ignoring it. The best news? We’ll all be laughing when the next trend rolls around and you can’t grow your half shaved mess out fast again so you’re stuck with a ‘do that is “ugh, SO last year!!”

Cuffed Chinos


Get out you despicable excuse for a human being, and leave those poor, brutalised chinos on the side before you go. They don’t need a cuff, they aren’t a track suit. Wearing a pair of chinos is meant to be a smart-casual mix that allows you to look a little more respectable than the nylon masses. Stop dicking about with cuffs and grow up.

Sunglasses In Darkness


This would be an awesome name for a rock band. Unfortunately too many idiots are wearing sunglasses at night or inside. Two places where, funnily enough, you don’t tend to need sunglasses. Sort this out before I’m forced to take action…

Hats Indoors


There is no reason that you should have ANY form of hat on indoors you uncultured heathen. Hats are outerwear, so when you get inside just take it off like a respectable gentleman.

Also, take the sticker off of your baseball caps. You look ridiculous.