If you happen to be anything like me, and I sincerely hope that you aren’t, then you will probably hate the supermarket as much as I do. This isn’t a dig at Mr Tesco or Mr Asda, it’s nothing that you guys are doing wrong that is making me rue the fact that it is food shop day. No, it’s the other people in there that make me want to throw down my bags for life in the middle of the cooked meats section and leave. So here’s the next little vent of my spleen and the associated handy hints for you to try and make food shopping more bearable.
Have you ever seen those people that will pick up a bag of the loose grapes (or any loose food that has to be weighed for that matter) and start stuffing them down their throats as they walk around the store? I hate those people. In my view, that’s essentially stealing from the supermarket. The price of that bag of grapes is determined by the weight of the bag when the cashier puts it on their scales at the end of your trip. By you eating those grapes on your way round, you’ve decreased the weight of the bag but have still eaten the same amount of grapes… If you MUST eat something on your way round, then choose something with a barcode and pay for the wrapper at the end. Freeloader.
STOP: Stopping without warning
I don’t know why people suddenly need to come to a complete halt in the centre of the aisle, but they do. Without any warning at all, they just suddenly stop, leaving anyone walking behind them to plot into the back of them and receive a dirty look for doing so, even though it was their fault for stopping in the first place.
STOP: Till jumping
This is just something that really riles me. If I’m at the till and I’m putting my shopping on the conveyor belt and you happen to join the queue behind me then under no condition should you start putting your shopping up when I still have a whole trolley load to put up! If it’s just a few things left and I know how much space I’ll need for them, then by all means. But if I’ve got a ton of stuff left and you start loading up your low fat bran flakes or whatever crap you’ve bought then don’t be surprised when you get my ‘death stare’ or a mouthful of my trademark acerbic wit and hateful sarcasm…
STOP: Being rude to staff
They’re just trying to do their job and they don’t need you throwing a tantrum and being awkward to make everything harder. By all means, if you have a valid reason then feel free to complain, but don’t do it just do be awkward. You look like a massive douchewaffle if you do that.
STOP: Aisle Trolleys
We come to it at last, my biggest pet hate of the well stocked pantry of commerce. If you leave your trolley in the middle of an aisle and wander off then you
deserve to be dipped in molasses and thrown into a colony of those massive stinging fire ants are the bane of my weekly shop. If there is a trolley in my way and no-one around to tend to it, I will happily shove it out of the way and carry on with my life. If you then come back and catch me mid-shove, don’t give me that withering stare, you have no moral ground here. If you do EVER commit this most heinous of crimes and I can see you wander off then I can easily turn into Liam Neeson’s character in Taken
There you have it, try to stop doing all of these things for me. Please. Just try to be a better person. Hopefully then I won’t get banned from Tesco for starting a mass murder in the canned goods aisle…